Still An Uphill Cancer Journey

Today, I saw my oncologist’s PA (Physician’s Assistant) who had spotted some suspicious looking cells six months ago in my vaginal area. (I had had a hysterectomy for endometrial cancer two and a half years ago, and was simply in for a checkup.) As a result of her finding these cells, which were identified through a biopsy as honest to god cancer, I was sent to a radiation oncologist and had several weeks of external beam radiation (an experience I do not wish on anyone), which was supposed to be followed by a treatment called brachytherapy (inserting radioactive material into the cancer site).

As I’ve written about before on this blog, brachytherapy has yet to happen. I believe this to be due to mismanagement and miscommunication, and still hasn't started. Today, I was told by the PA that brachytherapy should have preceded external beam radiation.

What?

I was also told that the time gap between the radiation and brachytherapy puts me more at risk.

Yikes. More at risk for…..what? Living?

This whole experience has been a series of missteps and poor communication, adding fear and trepidation onto what should have been a fairly routine treatment plan. To top it off, the doctors blame the insurance and the insurance blames the doctors, leaving the patient in the middle with very little recourse for dependable answers and treatment. And these are well meaning, hard working people who want the best for me!d news and be out of these gnarly and confusing woods. Living my life, until then.

I dumped all this onto the PA, and she took down phone numbers of all involved parties, and hopefully at some point, will identify the brachytherapist I should contact.

Meanwhile, I’m mentally exhausted and confused, and worry about my state of mind. Am I losing it? Is the dementia both my parents suffered from catching up with me? Should I have been able to figure all this out on my own, like the intelligent and independent woman I have thought myself to be? Many days, it’s hard to think of anything else except how to get this rather large problem resolved so I can move on.

I seem functional in other areas of my life. I take care of my grandson, I shop and cook meals, I exercise regularly, I write (in fact, I am writing a novel), I talk to friends and family members, I just learned how to drive and charge a new EV……

But many days, the stress of my health situation seems overwhelming and depressing, mostly because I feel so helpless to do anything about it, and I can’t seem to get the right people on my side to guide me through it, even though they seem to be trying.

When I think back on my external beam radiation experience, I realize that many of the people who were in the waiting area were not native english speakers. One man in particular - we would always give each other a thumbs up - had some kind of throat cancer which reduced him to various clicking noises to communicate with his caretaker/wife/sister/friend, who would communicate with him in Spanish. Whether his experience was better or worse than mine, I don’t know. But sheesh…..not knowing the language of the doctors who are treating you must be a big problem in the medical industry.

I have much to be thankful for, and I hang onto that as a salve for the days this seems ridiculous and needlessly difficult. Maybe next week I’ll get good news and be out of these gnarly and confusing woods.

Living my life, until then.

Photo by Lawrence D'Attilio